homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
