the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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