Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
