There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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