Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
