She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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