i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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