Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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