you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
