May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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