If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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