naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Text me some of your sweat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
