Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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