So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
