I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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