There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
