I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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