so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
