god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
