Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
