This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
