you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
