Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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