I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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