I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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