I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you had me at cake vodka
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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