Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
