That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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