maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
