My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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