I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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