my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
