Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
