She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!