So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".