I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.