I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.