I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day