I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
