I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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