Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
