the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
