wakey wakey hands off snakey
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
