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im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
