just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Say something about gay babies.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize