I think my fart just growled at me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sex in a hospital.. check
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
