Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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