I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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