It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
