It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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