shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
