i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
