im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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