no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
