Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
