If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
