I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
