How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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