Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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