my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
