Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
