now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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