we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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