Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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