Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
