dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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