If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
