She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My life is pants optional.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
