so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
