Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
