i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
