Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
