You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
