dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
