Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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