I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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