If i come over, it means nothing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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