you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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