It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
