...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
