I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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