There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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